Lets Get Radical!

"I wanted to write about the moment when you can no longer hide from the truth. When your whole life breaks down. That’s the moment when you have to somehow choose what your life is going to be about."

Who knows what will happen, but I'm guessing not good things.
Disney buys marvel
Warren Ellis sums it up nicely.
I guess no one good will be writing "Disney" comics any more, which is a shame. If only DC would get its shit together and stop doing stupid events (prime punch anyone? (sorry, still not over that. That was the stupidest thing I have ever seen in a comic (and I've seen some stupid shit))), we would have superhero comics to read. Arrgh. Thinking about all the implications of this is horrible. What about things like Next Wave?
Anyway, that was my rant for the morning. Resume programing.

I am a optimist to the point of stupidity. As much as I see, as shit as I know humans are, I still believe that things will be ok, despite all evidence to the contrary. I believe that people will wake up, and that everything will work out.
Yes, I'm a fool.

Ok, I have to write a essay on Pornography. It's from a historical standpoint, but I think I may have trouble, as I'm not sure how I feel about porn. In the first place, it never gets me off. I know this is the main point of porn (other than to sell things or belittle people), and I'm a bit confused. I can sometimes see the aesthetic appeal of certain types of porn, but I get sidetracked by thoughts of "what are they thinking", and "are they enjoying this".
I also know that the whole "no one is forcing her" argument is full of shite. They may not be tying her up and making her (although, sometimes they are, but thats a whole other rant), but I liken that argument to the "no one is forcing her to stay in a abusive relationship" one. I have seen interviews with porn stars, and the overwhelming feeling is sadness. They remind me so much of a abused woman defending the man who abused her.
There is the whole Aus Rotten argument; "Pornographic images help portray women as legitimate sexual prey", and I do see this. But I also think this removes far too much responsibility from the sexual attacker.
Anyway, I'm running way late. Need to run. May write more later. In the meantime, thoughts?

So I had a pretty shit night last night, and went to the Wine Cellar to drink whiskey by myself. Kept getting hit on by douchebags, and ended up getting quite drunk. Left at about two, and as I was walking home some arsehole grabbed me from behind and dragged me down the steps to Grafton cemetery. I managed to kick him in the bollix and get away, legged it home and fumed at how shite people are. I'm covered in bruises and feel like shite today. Fucking brilliant end to a brilliant night.
Also, a family friend who got raped by a taxi driver the other day found out they caught the guy, matched his DNA, found witnesses, and then for some inexplicable reason let him go, and aren't charging him.
The world really is a rather shit place.

People are fucking retarded. And confusing as all hell.
That is all.

I found my Super Taranta and Sleater Kinney CDS, I'm quite pleased. Particularly as I hadn't put the Sleater Kinney one on my mac before I lost it. It also means I have a excuse to play my whiney girl rock!
Going shooting tomorrow, looking forward to it. Soon I will be on the handguns. Having a really good week, things are working out really well. Got to do some xstitch, I'm getting withdrawals from lack of stitching. That's the problem with having a life though I guess!
Bean is a bit sick, but super cute.
My liver is gonna start hating me again, real soon.
Anyway, I didn't really have anything to say, just writing. Ciao cats.
xxx

My mam came back from the UK on Sunday, I missed her so much! She was gone six weeks, it's crazy how much I missed her. She brought me back all kinds of treats, including Jaffa Cakes. Oh how I love and miss Jaffa cakes! She normally comes back with her cravings to move back home gone, but this time she seems to want to move back even more than usual. Poor thing. We may go over and have a family Christmas this year, I hope so. A winter xmas, its been so long! Anyway, it was good to hang out with her today.
Beanie is sick, and my stupid doctor is on holiday. Boo.
Uni soon, looking forward to it, but wait till two weeks in and there will be plenty more whinging posts.
I really don't know what else is new. I'm on holidays, but haven't been doing fuck all. Went shooting the other week, I was pretty ok. The place was amazing, every cliche you could imagine. The weedy dude in full camo with a trench coat, and the old dude who thinks hes a mafioso. I got told by one of the scary dorks that I "look scarily hot with a gun", and I really didn't know how to take it. I just sort of ducked my head and scuttled away. Been going out on the weekends, its fun. Making friends, pissing people off, and making a fool of myself. The usual.
Fuckit, writers block. Ciao Cats.
Hunt and kill Billy Rae Cyrus. Cigarette

Sorry darlings. I have a life you know! So whats new. Well, bean is one. That's a pretty big milestone, and we had a great day with lots of treats. Then on Saturday I got drunk for the first time since I got pregnant, which was heaps of fun, and went to the Verukas. All the old crew were out, and some young kids. It made me feel old, until my boy Julz told me he was turning 36 in August. Crazy. We had drunken chats about the old days, and how all these stupid hipster kids were ruining things, and there were no good bands, not like there were ten years ago ect. All the usual old drunken bastard shit. It was great fun. Verukas were excellent, and fun guys. One was a bit too friendly, but ah well.
Um, I've been really sick, as has Bean. So I missed a fair amount of uni, which is now freaking me out because I have exams soon. First one on friday. I normally do pretty well in exams with minimal study, but thats if I've been to the lectures. So we'll see.
Hmm. I really don't know what else is new. My mam is back in the UK, and I miss her heaps. She isn't back for a month, and its quite lame. But at least she decided not to move back for another year. She gets homesick every year, and decides to move back, and then decides to just go for a visit. But I miss her all the same. Oh well, at least she will bring me back treats. Can't wait to see her again.
Got a new tattoo, its a Bruce Timm Black Canary pin up girl, on the back of my right arm. So pretty, and my tattooist is so fucking awesome. I will get some photos when it stops being all gross and scabby. Thank christ for bepanthan, as it is super itchy at the moment.
Anyway, I'm gonna go study, as I am clearly avoiding that right now.

Had my girl G's graduation party last night in St Kevin's arcade. It was good, we giggled, drank champagne and smoked on the steps like we used to do when we were 15, talked shit and just had lots of fun. We have been friends for ten, going on eleven years, and she is still my girl. I love her, we can tell each other anything, and even if we don't see each other for a while, we can always pick up where we left off, and fall into the patterns of our friendship with no awkwardness.
I love my crew. I have good people in my life, and no time for the bad ones. I actually don't think I have and of those crappy friends that you hate being around; I just can't be bothered with social niceties, and always end up being too rude for them to stick around. I'm glad. Life it too short and busy to try and make time for bad people. I'm not one of those people who thinks that bad people get whats coming to them, I think you have to give it to them. Sure, they self destruct and fuck up everything, but you can't just shrug it off when the repeatedly fuck up. And if they are bad people, get them the fuck out of your life, even if confrontations make you a bit uncomfortable. Fuck ups need to be told they are fuck ups.
This was not the rant I intended to write when I started is post. It's funny how things evolve.
I'm digging uni at the moment, now I got my last load of essays done. Have the next load to do now, but I'm actually kind of on top of things now. I did a bunch of research yesterday, and I'm doing some reading in between Band of Brothers episodes. I'm also doing a cross stitch related/inspired by one of my papers, but more on that later. Anyway, I must flee and rescue the bean bob from daycare. So I leave you with this;
http://ahatwell.blogspot.com/2009/05/soon.html
Ciao Cats!
xxx

I'm sitting on my bedroom floor by the windows, in the dark with just a hall light on, listening to both the rain and Muddy Waters in the background. It's reminding me of when I was a kid, and we used to go to "The Hill", our name for my cousins place out in Pukekohe. It's a huge house, all stone and glass, on top of a hill, hence the original name. I think my happiest childhood times were there, as my cousins, my sister and I would run riot on the hill. It had one side that was all rocks which we would abseil and boulder on, a warren of connected treetop and underground forts my uncle, dad and us kids built; they were amazing, they had underground tunnels and treetop wires to climb across. The entrance was hidden under a trapdoor in one of the old boats that got left on the hill. We also had swings, a flying fox and various other dream playthings. We spent pretty much every weekend out there, and always went away together at Christmas.
But my favorite part was always at night, when the kids had gone to bed and the adults stayed up drinking. I always slept on the mezzanine, which looked out over the den, and down the huge stone hallway. You could see the lights from the lamps and candles, and hear the music, which was always Muddy Waters, Nick Cave, Leonard Cohen, or my uncle and dad playing blues on the guitar. I loved lying there, listening to them singing and laughing, the music drifting down the hall into the pool of light which reflected off the stones. It was in the country, so you could see the stars, and it was so high up it looked like you could see forever. It seemed like a magical world down the hallway, and sometimes I would sneak out to watch them all. Other times I would just look out the window at the stars, listen to the rain, faint music and chatter, and dream. I feel a bit like that tonight. It's kind of bittersweet.

It never gets old starting a post with excuses and apologizes. So fuck it. Bullet points it is, I'm writing a essay and need a break.
Bean is almost walking, tis crazy.
On holidays, but need to write many, many words.
Got a new washing machine, christ on a stick what a drama.
Uni is going well, but I need to get better at planning things. It's a bit more difficult to do the night before thing when the night is taken up with a baby.
Need to go out. Looking forward to Sham 69 and the Business. Gonna be fucking rad.
Fuck this, I need a drink. But I also need to write. Arrgh.
This is shaping up to be a awful entry. But it should tide you over until I can ya know, write.
xxx

I don't really know what to post, as my week has consisted of being a nurse to Bean and Adrian, and missing a whole bunch of uni. Got a few assignments due that I could be doing, but I was not going to spend my Sunday in short loan, photo copying. It would of been the best day to do it, but ah well. I love my papers. Well, the History ones. The media pre requisite one is balls, but I knew it would be. At least it's easy. I'm doing one paper on African American struggles, and it is so fucking cool, even Adrian wants to come along. And he hates uni. We listen to blues in lectures, and the lecturer is brilliant. Plus, its got about 40 people in the whole paper, so discussion can be quite cool. Plus, no retarded first years! Always a plus.
I have been writing about my life recently, trying to put it into order, if only in my head. I may put it up here, but I imagine it will have to be heavily edited, to protect various people. I don't know. I have a strange memory, and can remember things in perfect detail, but have no idea when they happened. So I'm trying to write it all down, so I can put some kind of chronological order. Also, I've been typing my grandmothers Africa/Middle East/ West Indies diary's recently, and they are quite fascinating. Made me want to put down my stories. Horribly self indulgent of me, I know. But seeing it all written down makes me realize quite how fucked up some things in my life have been. That sounds very dramatic, I know. I'm not trying to be, its just, ah I don't know. Whatever. I rant.
Ciao cats.
xxx

And amazingly, Bean just went down to sleep. Just like that. Cried one little mewling cry, and fell asleep. I won't bore you any more, except to say that is fucking amazing. Particularly as he is a sick mon. But now I stop with the baby crap!

Went to see Masters of Metal on friday, they are as good as ever. Twas a good night, except for some 17 year old weirdness. I saw a dude I had a thing with when I was 17, and it was all kinds of awkward. I didn't even realize he was in the country, so it gave me a shock. It would of been ok if he wasn't hanging out with some horrible girls from my past (girls who I don't even know if they deserve to be called girls; because what kind of girl would support a serial rapist over their girlfriend?), but he was, so we didn't do much more than nod at each other; although he spent the whole night staring at me and freaking me out. Twas strange, and Liz and I spent ages sitting outside giggling and talking shit. Twas fun. I told her loads of stories about how the scene used to be back in my day (Old lady reminiscing here); It was fucked up, but more fun, there were more people, venues, bands, and everyone knew everyone. Even if you didn't really like someone, everyone hung out. Then a bunch of us moved out of Necropolis, and there was no one left to keep it all going, and all the fights started, and some ugly truths came out. And then everyone started dying. I may be romanticizing it here, but it seems like all we have these days are hipsters who change what they are into, whats "cool", every few weeks. Nasty, bitchy girls, and trendy scene whores. Serial girlfriends, each conquest moving them further up the cool'o'meter. But perhaps I'm just old. All the old guard are gone; dead or otherwise, and there is just a few of us that frequently go out.
Man, I'm depressing myself here. This wasn't supposed to be a rant about how things were ten years ago, those days are dead and gone, and I have good friends, even if I don't have so many bands and venues. And there is always abroad. I can't see NZ punk rebuilding, but perhaps that's just me being stuck in the past. So here's hoping we get some good young blood, and all the hipsters fall off their pushbikes.
xxx

Its been a while. So here is a bullet pointed update.

- Saw Old Crow Medicine show. Chum gave me a ticket, and although I hadn't really heard much of them, I went along, and had heaps of fun. They were so much fun, full of energy. So many hipsters and scary old ladies made it not as much fun, but it was still awesome. So a big thank you to Chum.

-The night after that, I went to Bedouin Soundclash. They were fucking awesome live. Again, a bit sucky as it was filled with hipsters and scary middle aged men, and the venue sucked. But who cares; they were awesome!!!

-My gran died. It was really unexpected, as she was getting better, but it was peaceful, and I'm glad she died before she had to go into a home. The after affects have been fucking awful. My family are all at each others throats, and the funeral was horrible. Both my father and I almost walked out. But its done now, and only the horrible probate fights to go. I don't like to think about it.

-I'm back at uni. Its awesome, but tough, as I have already been called out of a couple of lectures to go pick up the bean from daycare, but I love it. I have some awesome lecturers, and a some awesome tutors. Students suck, but whatever.

-We have started getting bean to self settle, and it was hard work. But worth it, as now he is sleeping through the night, and can sleep at daycare. He loves daycare. It is a awesome place, and the staff are awesome. They actually listen to us, and if we have anything we want or need, and they will do everything they can to help us. Its amazing, I'm so glad we found it.

-Still got some half done xstitches, but I have even less time to sew these days. But I have a bit of time between lectures, so I'm going to take my needle work to uni, and sit in woman's space and sew in my breaks. Geek as!

-Working on beans quilt, I want to get it done before his first birthday, because we want to get him a big boy bed and I don't want him to have duvets, I want him to have a old fashioned bed with loads of layers, all cozy like. Strange, but that's what I had, and I loved my bed. I had my mams patchwork quilt from when she was at boarding school, I freaking loved it.

-Played with Pats fancy digital SLR the other day; http://www.jordan-smith.org/gallery/7561613_8BkcM#P-1-20 Fuck I want a nice camera. Ours is pretty good, but compared to those photos, it looks like a piece of shit.

-Haven't been getting much sleep recently, so I'm very sorry for the poor quality of this. And the lack of updates. My only day off, apart from the weekends is Friday. Every other day I'm up at seven, have to get myself and the bean dressed, and get to uni. Its hard, but it will get easier.

-I love Autumn. Even if I keep getting hit by falling branches. I love the cool, crisp air, I love getting dressed in layers, I love my bed. I'm glad summer is finally over. Anyway, I'm off. But will catch you cats later!

I got in touch with a old friend on facebook recently, and we were talking about out of all of us, he and I were the last ones that would be the grown ups. I mean, this is the guy who got me aanned from Te Papa when we were caught having, ahem, well, we were doing things they don't like you doing. In a public place anyway. But anyway, here we are, me with a kid, and him practically married with a house. Goes to show how true the old saying is. The way to make god laugh? Tell him your plans. Well I signed up for being a kid forever, damnit (albeit an very foul mouthed, drunk kid).
Went out to the the Casa De Supercore housewarming with Luce and Pert last night. twas a giggle. But I'm super tired; I have been up since six thanks to Bean, so my brain aint working.
Ciao cats!!

good bye Lux Interior, you were brilliant, and I'm bummed I will never be able to shut my dad up when he says how many times he saw the Cramps. "Existing heart condition" = drugs and/ or sex, so well done.

But I have even less time to post these days, as Hunter is crawling, and is absolutely everywhere; he is like some kind of chubby ninja. We tried to baby proof, but man did we underestimate his powers to get into everything. As I talk, he is pulling himself up on his pappys leg hairs, so I have a free moment!
So. What is new? We had a picnic the other day, twas wicked. There was the best crazy man I have seen in ages in the park yelling abuse, it made Grafton feel like it did back in the old days!! We drank in the park, rocked the boom box, and generally had a good time.
Gotta cruise, bed time for the bean.
Ciao!

And it is awesome!!!!! I had the best night last night! Ok, ages ago I found out Leonard Cohen was coming, and immediately told my pa who said he would get tickets. He got four, but ended up giving the others to some friends of his, in typical pa fashion. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed, but a wee bit resigned to the fact that my Pa does these things. Anyway, on Wednesday night, I was feeling pretty bummed about it all, and trying not to think about what was taking place the following night, when Adrian hands me a pink folder with what I thought was a photocopy of a ticket. I was about to give him hell for playing such a mean trick when I realized it was a e-ticket. I went mental; it was a the sweetest thing! So anyway, last night I went to the second best concert in my life (Mr Nick Cave always takes first place). It was amazing. Leonard is the sweetest, sprightlyest, best dancing little old man I have ever seen. What a voice! What a show! It was amazing. He took his hat off when ever someone did a solo, he boogied and he was so thankful for the reception. It was awesome. Aside from the arsehole sitting next to me with his cellphone and anger issues, the audience was pretty rad as well, and after there were all these cute little old ladies clutching their chests and claiming it was like a religious experience! So cute. Anyway, I'm still quite overwhelmed, so I will leave here and try and give a better review later on.
xxx
P.S. After no internet for 3 days, we are back on track! So the break in posting doesn't count!!!